What Type of Money Friend Are You?

Money and Stress Series Written by Zoe Slater

Friendships and Money

Friendships are meant to be a safe place to rejuvenate your soul. To connect with a like-minded friend, to listen to their dreams, their fears and their adventures. To create a space for you both to be emotionally free, to be inspired, and bring out the best in each other.

In essence, there is a connection that makes you want to meet with them again.

Good Friendships are fulfilling… however, some friendships can be toxic, becoming financially, emotionally and physically taxing.

When it comes to friendships and money, what kind of friend are you?

1. The Generous, no matter what friendship
2. The Balanced reciprocal friendship
3. The Financially Stressed friendship

The reality about money and friendships is that no matter how much you earn, there will always be someone in your life who is wealthier than you or poorer than you!

Knowing how you function with friendships and money is important because friendships are everything in this world and on a practical level, money is part of the equation.

So, getting the balance right with Friendships and Money are critical for your emotional and mental health and your survival.

Generally speaking, when, you think about catching up with a friend, several things will pass through your mind like, for example, your last experience with them, what’s your schedule like, location, time, will you be eating or drinking, what’s the dress code and budget for the location.

What predicts the next catch up, is ‘How was your last experience with that person?’. Was your mind and heart cheerful and inspired to catch up again? Was the cost of the connection worth it? A balanced or generous catch up will say yes, however, if you walk away feeling drained emotionally and financially your less likely to want to catch up.

So, lets define the tree type of friendships a little further.

1. The Generous Friendship ‘You Love To Be Generous’

Generosity is a beautiful characteristic. It says that you feel contented to pay. That the connection between you and your friend has filled your heart in some way.

You’re happy to pay for a friend, even though they don’t pay, they give you something else in return, for example; they may make you laugh, they have an interesting life, they might be giving you free advice or the wisdom of their life or perhaps filling a lonely void.

Generosity is the enjoyment and pleasure of giving. It puts a smile on your face, creates a happy heart and a pep in your step. You get a sense of looking forward to the next catch up with this friend. Feeling on track, in the right place, exchanging a greater gift of generosity beyond money.

The virtue of generosity is a code you live by and practice, it says you are not lacking in the Money or the Financial areas of your life.

Generous friends often loan money, give money or introduce you to opportunities to make money.

Generous friends are great teachers of abundance and remind others to consider being generous and kind too.

A deeper insight for you to reflect on; Generosity in all areas of life is a discipline and needs to be practised daily. However, I have found that people tend to be generous in a few areas of their life and not others, for example; you might be generous with your money, but not generous with your love or time. Generous to others, but a scrooge with your family.

Generous Givers are quite astute and interplay the concept of generosity and reciprocity. Consequently, they can cut friendship ties over night when the reciprocity hits a tipping point of no regard.

The generous person often won’t tell the person that they’re cutting ties with them. The generous person will just move on, and hope their friend learns the value of generosity. So, if you have lost a good generous friend, this might be their reason.

2. The Balanced Friendship ‘Is A Sense of Fairness’

There’s a sense of reciprocity and harmony that works for both of you. Taking turns to pay for things of reasonably equal value and covering costs, so that one is not more out of pocket than the other.

• You enjoy the friendship regardless of money.
• You want your friend to know that you value them.
• You meet with them because after each connection, you walk away from the time together with a smile on your face, a happy heart and a pep in your step.
• You look forward to the next catch up.
• You don’t feel that you owe them anything.
• A sense that all debts, money or emotional support are paid in full.
• In some cases, you prefer to be in credit with the friendship, both money and emotionally.
• Your reputation is linked to this fair balanced friendship.
• You tell your friend that you don’t expect financial support yet thank them for offering.

A deeper insight for you to reflect on; A balanced friendship can sometimes be out of balance. You might not like receiving help, handouts, support and in some way despise people who sponge off you. The question is, do you tell them you are feeling out of exchange? Ironically it can sometimes be the people nearest and dearest to you, which brings me to the next type of friendship.

3. The Friendship That Causes You Money Stress

There are two types of friendships that have money stress. There is the friendship that has ran its course and needs to end. Or the conundrum, of the dear friend, where things have gotten off track between you both, and it has caused money stress.

How Do You Know, If A Friend is Causing You Money Stress?

Recall your last catch up with this friend. Were you disappointed about how much it cost you emotionally and financially? Does the thought of catching up with them again make you feel stressed, anxious or angry because you have? If you say yes to any of the following then your friendship is causing you stress.

• You’ve loaned them money and they have not paid you back?
• You don’t know how to broach the conversation?
• What’s the catch up going to cost you this time?
• Can you afford to see them?
• How much has it cost you so far?
• Do you have enough money?
• Your starting to feel used!
• Can you afford to shout them because they’ll expect you to?
• Will they ask for money again?
• Will you feel obligated to shout them?
• You might like expensive places and they only shout cheap places?
• All they talk about is their money stress and you feel obliged to help them out?

The Costly Friendship And What It's Really Costing You.

There can often be a strange friction in these friendships. An underlying sense of mistrust an undisclosed transparency. You sense they are about to put more money stress on your friendship. There’s an uneasy feeling, waiting for the truth to be said. A friendship under false pretences.

• You are likely to resent spending time with them.
• Feel obligated to turn up because you feel like you owe them.
• Falsely blame them as a waste of time or money.
• You’re paying for the friendship because your lonely.
• You’re seeking status and this friendship connects you to that perception.
• Your social world is lacking because you may have burnt some bridges, socially lazy and don’t make an effort, or have low self-esteem.
• You might have a poor mindset and see yourself as the broke friend.
• You may think that because their rich, they should pay.
• Maybe you’re just a taker in life with narcissistic traits.

My Top TIP’s To Shift The Costly Friendship

I will warn you, that you are about to discover what your friendships really mean to you.

• Be transparent, invite them to meet up, tell them in advance or when it comes time to pay, that you wish to take turns paying. For e.g. “I paid the last time, it’s now your turn”. Observe their response and gauge your own response.
• If you usually offer to pay first, this time …don’t. Wait out the silence, then when they offer or ask who’s paying, just say “I’m okay if you pay”. Then say nothing…be silent…and step back from the paying counter. Leave your friend at the counter alone to pay the bill.
• If you are still in connection with a generous friend and you now realise that you have been the costly friendship that caused money stress. Don’t despair endeavour to balance the friendship through an honest conversation.

The Key Points Are...

Friendships are meant to be a safe place to rejuvenate your soul.

What kind of friend are you…regarding friendships and money?

1. The generous, no matter what friendship
2. The balanced reciprocal friendship
3. The financially stressed friendship

Endeavor to balance the friendship through honest conversation.

Friendships and money stress happen every day! Don’t delay, fix it NOW.

MAKE A PACT TO ACT – Practice the art of having honest conversations with your friends and I assure you, your friendships will become stronger and last longer.

If you're interested to know more about what I teach and how I teach? Rather than me tell you, let me show you...Join me for my free Webinar...You will learn, The 3 Critical Reasons....Why You Wake Up Exhausted Every Day, You’re Losing Money In Your Business Every Month, And You’re Worried About Your Marriage Surviving The Year.